What I Can Say About MSU

I often heard parents agonizing about their children's tertiary education and I would often offer them the Mindanao State University-Main Campus, where I:

1. ENJOYED A QUALITY EDUCATION
   
2. enjoyed studying without paying any tuition fees. The highest amount I have paid I remember during enrollments was Php280.00. It covered everything already. Take note, it was for the entire semester already.
3. enjoyed staying in a girls dorm that receives from me Php100.00 only per semester.
4. experienced going to major classes even with only 4 students enrolled. I remember the time when all my classmates were absent, my teacher (Sir Henry Hong) still delivered what he had to deliver in the Symbolic Logic class even if I was the only one present.
   
5. experienced the fastest enrollment ever (beginning school year 2002-2003)
6. experienced so many opportunities to grow spiritually (with CG family), mentally (with CSSH family and the university's LitMus competitions), physically (from walking everyday around the very big campus), and financially (from selling sandals, umbrellas, blouses and t-shirts, pudding and sandwich inside the dormitory)
7. enjoyed from quality teachers (first class)
   
8. met friends from different cultures (kalagan, magui, surigaonon, tausug, etc)
   
9. lived with at least one muslim in the room (I stayed at PLH Dormitory) every semester
10. lived with different people every semester, so, when I graduated, I gained a lot of close friends already
11. enjoyed meals at Php300-400 per month
12. had no expensive books to buy; out teachers allowed us to reproduce their books
13. papers were available right outside the classrooms
14. experienced having make up classes at our teacher's house/pad
15. experienced joining a National-level competition
16. EXPERIENCED SURVIVING THE FUNNY WAY
17. EXPERIENCED UTMOST SPIRITUAL GROWTH... IT WAS IN MSU WHERE I HAD A LOT OF SOLITARY MOMENTS WITH GOD. I GRADUATED THEN WITH SO MANY DIARIES (NOTEBOOKS; WITH MY LETTERS TO GOD) TO BRING.

What else?

I know there were a lot, which I haven't recalled yet and I know that there are much more than these in MSU now.

I was chatting with some friends online. At times, we would run out of words that we bottle ourselves with emoticons and winks. These very expressive icons have truly helped us express how we missed each other.

I remember, my MSU classmates/friends and I used to talk all they long, sleep beside each other, sit beside each other silently that silence would speak for itself, walk in deep reflection, etc. This created a bond that up to now, we may run out of words like how it did 5 to 6 years ago, we know that we mean something through our facial expressions - smiles,nods, and winks.

Now, since we very seldom view ourselves on a web camera, we compliment our words with free emoticons and winks for messenger.

is this just a mere desire?

I miss my life in MSU. It was where i finally decided to change ways and accept that I am a lady, that I am a woman, and that I will always be a female even if i would insist my musculinity. It was where I have accepted my weaknesses and limitations as a person. And, I have learned to profit from it to move forward.
Even then, I am still undecided whether to go back or not. by going back, i mean, staying their for quite longer, i mean, teaching. Although I have not applied yet and i am not so sure of being hired, the idea of being seriously considered by the department brought me to the idea of pushing my brain's perpetual decision-making cells to decide fast and to do some action.
So much needs to be considered. So much needs to be prayed. Calm down koko.
A calling is a calling. If I am really called to work for something and i know that i am called for it and I do it, then the work becomes a ministry. Opportunities must not move me fast to act directly on it but must drive me fast down to my knees. I don't like job hopping and I thank God that i never did. One truth about me is that, i easily get bored, that is why I need to deliberately consider things or simply ask myself, "will i get bored in the academe?"
after acting upon my idealism through the Institute of Environmental Science for Social Change (ESSC), i was discouraged by the mindsets of todays' prime movers. I thought I could somehow inspire (i dont wanna use "influence" because it's too attached to "power") them through the many trainings and planning i handled. I thought I could help deconstruct their old paradigms. HHmmm.. a little bit, I did, but they're sap already in the system. Of course, I dont want to give up and i dont want to give in to their system, so I thought of leaving ESSC (after 3 years), find a greener pasture for my passion. (or perhaps the green-ness of green is up to me..hmmmpp)
The crossroads were never easy. Doors were open and i liked them all because I see myself and Me before the Lord.
I don't know if my desire is heavier, yet, i am pretty sure that i once wanted to join the academe. The idea is driven by the fact that it is one better venue to inspire minds, while young/younger, for the "betterment of our society" (wahahahaha.. OA kaayo ko.. oppss..comment lang mo if u like..this is my page..weheheheh). Some predecessors told me that i am still young that is why i am socially idealistic. I did entertain their thoughts but i don't know until when will i end this childhood-birthed desire. In fairness to me, i grew up as a leader and i know i had so much flaws. I once settled to my flaws that was why for quite longer I evaded from responsibilities. However, I cannot deny that within me is a struggle to stand and make a difference, to keep inspiring, to keep encouraging, to keep hoping for a brighter system. It may not be me up their, but, at least I am a part of a better change. The academe is one great venue. I admit that i dreamt of becoming a teacher (see our high school souvenir: Roxanne Jul C. Lumactud - to be a teacher.. wahahaha). This desire sprouted from my desire to inspire and help others (most helpful mn diay ko..hahahaha) just as i did since then.
I am just writing spontaneously now, wishing that along my way of expressing these voices within, I could gauge my thoughts, which may help me better in decision-making. for one, i realized that my drive of going back to MSU is not just a mere feeling of missing the school, but of a noble desire to inspire others for better.
Everything I desire is a "means" to a desired end. My ultimate end is to magnify my God and give Him all the glory. I want to magnify Him through the thoughts and wisdom i may pass. And, I want to glorify Him through the accomplishments I may get.