Counting my days again..

I am counting my days again. I have yet 4 more days to stay or report in XU. Yeah, I'd say goodbye to a permanent job. A decision that I deliberated well eversince I affixed my signature in XU.

I do remember all words spoken out last June when I was interviewed by three nice people from the Office of Student Affairs. I remember being asked, How do you see yourself 10 years from now? Looking up too high at the thought of being in an ateneo school, I did answer, Should I be accepted, I even see myself grow old here. Certainly, I had high expectations of.. well, practically, the pay among other benefits, set and just systems, better leadership considering that my leadership skill was well honed by this university, if I may recall my first and second years in college.

Looking back, I remember being taught by this university about changing unjust structures and not to profit from unjust structures. I was defined here, although I grew well in MSU. My leadership, principles, and paradigms were formed by the trainings I received when I was yet a sophomore. This thought excited me to join XU and much much more excited to be the Student Activities and Leadership Development Program Assistant.

In the job, I met a lot of people. Within 9 months, things went too hasty. A month after I started, I was afforded the opportunity to be with renowned and prominent people in the university. I thought it would end their. Later, a memo crossed with my name again in the execom. Meetings with university directors were at first a bizarre, as if I have never ever spoken yet with and in front of dignitaries; meeting by meeting, I realized that they are like me, too, subject to frailties. In fact, while working with them, there were days that I longed to not to have known them. I did ask while in one of those smothering hours, who would they be in my thoughts had I not worked with them (not all of them though)? Yet, knowing them is knowing myself as well. It was an opportunity to grow as a person and as a leader in my own ways.

I really appreciate the richness of my short stay. Students leaders in XU are so passionate to the point of losing themselves in the midst of their own system. They may be blemished by the jumbling of aggresiveness, naivity, and venturesome characteristics, I am happy that I grew with them and by them. I appreciate XU's desire of molding future leaders. I appreciate student leaders' authentic quest for Magis (for more).

More so, my own office, my boss, and our assistants, they are very nice friends, very thoughtful people, worthy to be called my friends. I am pretty sure that even after XU, we'll still be hanging out with each other. We have created a bond, so unique that I could and would look forward to still hang on with.

Yet, I have to move out of here. I must go simply for more personal growth and development. I know deep within that I would be happier if I work on things that I could do best. I am convinced that I can do more than the daily tasks I do in XU. While it is true that I did desire of going back to the academe, and that I was happy of joining XU; my head desires for more, more than the daily papers that I need to file, more than the daily proposals that I need to receive, and so much more than the daily talks and occasional leadership seminars that I need to attend. In principle, honestly, I am not growing in knowledge to contemporary leadership styles. While the world out there are busy training people for consensus and participatory approaches, and with contemporary leadership trends, my world here is still with the traditional and conventional boss-centered leadership.

(I will post soon another blog about leadership trends, which will include of course the traditional boss-centered leadership.)

Well, somehow I did grow in character like I have become more patient now, understanding, submissive (non-insistent anymore), and diplomatic. hehehe

Kaya, let me sip the soup while it's hot.

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