2 hours and 15 Minutes More!

I am still in the office. Feeling empty of thoughts. Thoughts about tomorrow and the days looked ahead.

2 hours and 15 minutes more to go before Xavier Days (December 3-6). Xavier Days are the most celebrated days of the year of Xavier University - Ateneo de Cagayan. What is so special about this year is that it is the 75th year since its foundation. A diamond jubilee, indeed, and tomorrow will be the grandest of all nights ever, we hope.

As the secretariat head, i didn't know where to put myself because it seemed like the entire executive committee is itself the secretariat. Yeah, we have been preparing since September to avoid rushes and 11th hour stresses. It seemed to be the best preparation and the best committee i have ever joined. In fact, I couldn't imagine those lines my fellow once told me about the possible realities despite the preparations. I had so much trust to each committee member and I even acknowledged and paid the highest regard to each fellow.

Then, counting the days left, 14, 13, 12.....7, 6, 5, 4, 3 ,2 and, TODAY, the board states "1 day to XU@75 Festival Days."

And, TODAY, i just realized that so much are yet hanging. Well, I am not at any level of stress admittedly; perhaps because I was once like these 11th hour supermen. hahahaha.. I am not even bothered by the gaps I see today. I am just thankful that I see them and hope that in less than an hour now, I could think for gap fillers. In situations like this, I always tell myself to keep cool, be still, think right, act right, and speak right.

I know tomorrow I will be trialed, if i may look ahead based on what had been. I already expected unsound lines from the chairperson, like she always do to which we often commented. She is used to tick us off when she doesn't like what others are doing. And, we are used to receiving lines we don't deserve. Like, when she couldn't tell off the main person, she yells at us. Yes, exasperating it is.

well, I just pray that tomorrow, she'll be otherwise, or we'll become more patient and even more still.

Treasury Bills

I have long been thinking of buying Philippine treasury bills. Few months ago, i passed by National Bookstore and dropped by reading some investment books. One book mentioned that investing in treasury bills is the safest and the least risky business. So, I did some research about it. I surfed the net and visited (online) some established banks in the Philippines.

Based on my research, Treasury Bills or T-Bills is one of the securities issued by the government through the Bureau of Treasury to an entity who would like to lend money to the government. T-Bills serve as evidence of indebtedness of the Philippine government to a certain entity or individual. This can be transacted through various Philippines banks such as Philippine National Bank, Land Bank of the Philippines, Bank of the Philippine Islands, among others. Most Banks require a minimum of P100,000 investment.

Interests rates are very minimal in exchange for the fact that it is the least risky among other investment opportunities; although dividends are released quarterly.

Nevertheless, your money is safe, it grows, and one good thing, maybe to those who consider loaning in the days ahead, T-Bills certificates, which are issued by banks, could serve as collateral as well.

Today, if only I have P500,000, I will invest at least P100,000 in T-Bills. What do you think?


Harikro is a japanese spitz-terrier puppy. He is 3 months old puppy given to us by manang emelia.
His name was drived from Ha - Hapon (japanese), Rik - Ricky (papang's favorite name), and Ro - Rose (mama's shortened name). Papang named him.
I never really liked dogs because of my asthma. No matter how many times a dog is bathe, I could still smell a dog's smell. And, I would feel itchy everytime a dog or a puppy comes near me.
But, harikro is different to me. Although he smell the dog's smell and I feel itchy with him, I like him because he is very sweet and playful dog. He's so lambing puppy.

Ahh Counter

I just received a SMS from our club president. She asked me if I could introduce our guests and if I could do the ahh counting. Although my name is not in the program, I have anticipated this already, and even the ahh counter role. (hahaha) I think I heard somebody speaking it in the previous meeting. hahaha

Anyways, I will be counting ahh, uhhm, and pause fillers later at the Macajalar Bay Toastmasters Club. I hope I would be able to deliver well this short piece.


I feel so sleepy now. Eight (8) years ago I remember I was insomiac. I could not sleep not unless it's 7am. What I would do was paint and paint and paint.

Now, my body clock has always been prompt in telling me I am sleepy. It usually calls for rest at 9pm, but I woould stay longer especially now that I've learned blogging and reaching some targets.

So, I am signing off now and rest. Until tomorrow!

Tonight at Toastmasters Club of Macajalar Bay

Tonight at Mezzanine of VIP Hotel, the TM Club of Macajalar Bay shall gather on the theme "Water is Life". I am a bit uptight because I'm pretty sure I will be called for Table Topics. Table topics give each member the opportunity to develop quick thinking and speaking skills.
I just saw the possible program flow. It seems like every position is filled already, yet I am pretty sure I will be the ahh counter tonight.
I hope I will be able to think and speak well.
I thank God because He chose me.

I became a Christian when i was 13 years old. I simply happened to pass by a fellowship center. I don't know what brought me in. I just simply got in. hehehehe..Indeed, it was Him who chose me. Then, I came back and came back again, and again until i grew older.

The Lord blessed me a lot since then. School days weren't meaningful without Him. I graduated colorfully both high school and college because of Him giving me answers, thoughts, and better memory. Had i been too consistent and responsible as a student, i would have graduated cum laude or better. Anyways, He still gave me 3 special awards even then. I am the person who loves hanging out with friends rather than school. hehehehe... I love the computer, too, than classes. I love meaningful and interactive activities than a simple classroom setting; that was why, I made my teacher cry.
"Sorry Ma'am if I chose the debate tournament than your midterm exam. I was thinking I will be excused since I represented the college," I once explained.
She replied, "because of what you've done, you will not graduate this march!!"
(I nearly cried. I looked up and held my tears.)
"Is there any chance for me to get a final grade of 3.0 ma'am?" I asked.
"Unless, you perfect the final exam." She said.

So, I went back to the dormitory and talked to my God. I told Him how sorry I was for displeasing my teacher. Then I became the word of the department of philosophy. I was even told by my favorite professor, "I never really thought that you are that irresponsible Roxanne!!"
I am so sorry, Lord!

Anyway, God loves me enough to rescue me. As always, God is my strength, my refuge, and my everything.

So, He taught me what to do and how to project myself before every one. God taught me humility and everything. He did not just do that, He blessed my final examination with more that a perfect score because He made me able to answer everything up to the bonus questions. So, my teacher was so pleased that she wrote a long note on my paper and the only line I remember is, "Roxanne, you'll not just become a woman of knowledge, but a woman of wisdom."

Before graduation day, she told me that I don't deserve a grade of 3.0 that was why she gave me 2.75. She said, it was hard for her to submit that grade to the registrar but she has to so that every student may learn from my mistake aside from me learning from it.

God has extended me tooooooo many favors. I couldn't count. This is the reason why I always ask Him, "what do you really want me to do Lord?" I know from my experiences that He chose me, so specially, to do a special task.

And, by the way, His word truly lives. Whenever I'm confused of a certain decision, He have me go back to Ezekiel, to my (I call it) "calling chapter". Hmmmm.. not really confused, but, there's just something that moves me to go back. It's like I am being shaken so to read the verses again that I may realize something. True enough! This is the reason why I am sure that I am not for thailand. His word said, i am not going to send you to a people of obscure and difficult language whose words you find it hard to understand. hhhmmm.. just in time! Because at that time, I was learning the Thai language over the internet.. hahahahaha.. I was excited then.

Later, I have stepped on my life's grey areas that I was so so confused that I decided to join the VSO. I knew in my heart that God will do something so that I will not be able to leave the Philippines. He might hold my visa or lost my documents along the way. hahahaha.. I just grabbed the VSO training at IRRI with all expenses paid. hehehehe.. Indeed, a tragedy at home happened that I needed to stay. Mama attacked from stroke. Even then, God made me stood still. He was always beside me, beside us, and He provided us all our needs. He brought me to a lot of realizations, as in a lot. I got tired. Yes, I was. Yet, still! I asked God, "what is there before me, Lord, that I needed to go through these things? Anything special again, Lord?"

God answered after 5 months. Opportunities came. MSU Philo Dep't invited me to join them. I entertained it. I applied. However, God impressed me again to go back to Ezekiel, to my "calling chapters". There, He said literally, "go home to your nation in exile, beside the river of (i forgot what river was that) ..." I was on my way to MSU with my bestfriend while reading the verses. I read it before her so she became the witness of what God wants me to do.

I did obey God knowing that if He says "no" He has something better and has something that I love to do. "And, what do I have to do in Cagayan de Oro, Lord?" I asked.

Suprisingly, my bestfriend told me while visiting Xavier University's website that the school needed a program assistant for its Student Activities and Leadership Development Program. She told me that she sees me in it vis-a-vis the calling. I refused knowing that it is Xavier, besides, I am not a graduate of this institution. Still, she pushed me like she's confident that that's the one God wants me to do. hahahahahah... we nearly quarrelled. hehehe.. At the outset, I was convinced. I applied. I was Interviewed.

And, all I can say is, GOD CHOSE ME! And, indeed, I can see myself in the job. So, bless me, Lord.

When It Rains

It’s been raining these days and I don’t like it pour any longer; one, because it affects the bearing of mango trees in our farm. We don’t want to lose of course. Two, though I don’t like the hot of sunny days, it’s worse going out of the house when the rain doesn’t stop or pours even harder. It gets me wet no matter how my petite physique hides under an umbrella and I can’t get off from dirt that gets into my pants and my shoes, perhaps I just don’t know how to carry myself under the rain..hahahaha

I don’t know how it came into my system that every time it rains, I just can’t define my mood. I remember nothing but the loneliness I felt when I was 4. I wasn’t schooling yet then or I am not so sure if it was school days. I don’t even remember why of the 4 kids (pepet wasn’t born yet) I was the only one left. It must have been Docky and me if it was school days or perhaps, mama brought him to school because he was a very friendly, always smiling, jolly and jovial kid. Probably, it wasn’t summer because ate keket and kuya kokot weren’t there to play with me. I was left home with our manangs.

Strong rains were not inviting without my siblings to play with under the rain. Although we had our neighbors, but I was shy enough to invite them out. I was an introverted, bashful girl. I think I have developed confidence when I was 6, when our teacher in kindergarten asked us to read ABAKADAs and its sorts on the board and gladly, I made it excellently. It was nice knowing that I have an edge from my classmates. Hehehhe… Anyway, at 4, I didn’t have the talent of bringing our neighboring kids out to the rain. I wasn’t as friendly as ate keket. She was very smart, chatty, and very friendly. All our neighbors, young and old, couldn’t resist her cute and invented stories as well as her very inquisitive and “prophetic” personality. I always enjoy the rain with her and kuya. Both of them were playful enough to lead us and our neighbors to gira-gira, pusil-pusil, tago-tago or tibon-tibon or pinpin de sarapin, ps-ps, jolin, skipping rope, takyan, libon-libon, patintero, langit-lupa, balay-balay, bal-bal bal-bal, bahug-bahug, kon dise kum buko, chinese, halap-halap, 77 up, chinelas lata, tarak-tarak, exhibition sa ligid, taksi , among others, rain or shine. <> I used to always get deserted on rainy days without them. Rainy days were dull and dreary without my siblings.

Today’s rain fiercely dropped as it did when I was 4 and I feel the same degree of loneliness. Indeed, we’ve grown a lot older now and we are at an almost infinite distance away from each other, except with pepet, who is just 7 kilometers away, and docky, who is just two deep seas away. I don’t want to see the rain because all the more I would miss them. Surely, this loneliness will get more intense that I could burst in tears. Yet, I need to be strong. I need to be firm before everyone here in the house. Likewise, I need to grow a healthy paradigm out of the rain so that when it pours the hardest, I could enjoy it fall on my own.

is this just a mere desire?

I miss my life in MSU. It was where i finally decided to change ways and accept that I am a lady, that I am a woman, and that I will always be a female even if i would insist my musculinity. It was where I have accepted my weaknesses and limitations as a person. And, I have learned to profit from it to move forward.
Even then, I am still undecided whether to go back or not. by going back, i mean, staying their for quite longer, i mean, teaching. Although I have not applied yet and i am not so sure of being hired, the idea of being seriously considered by the department brought me to the idea of pushing my brain's perpetual decision-making cells to decide fast and to do some action.
So much needs to be considered. So much needs to be prayed. Calm down koko.
A calling is a calling. If I am really called to work for something and i know that i am called for it and I do it, then the work becomes a ministry. Opportunities must not move me fast to act directly on it but must drive me fast down to my knees. I don't like job hopping and I thank God that i never did. One truth about me is that, i easily get bored, that is why I need to deliberately consider things or simply ask myself, "will i get bored in the academe?"
after acting upon my idealism through the Institute of Environmental Science for Social Change (ESSC), i was discouraged by the mindsets of todays' prime movers. I thought I could somehow inspire (i dont wanna use "influence" because it's too attached to "power") them through the many trainings and planning i handled. I thought I could help deconstruct their old paradigms. HHmmm.. a little bit, I did, but they're sap already in the system. Of course, I dont want to give up and i dont want to give in to their system, so I thought of leaving ESSC (after 3 years), find a greener pasture for my passion. (or perhaps the green-ness of green is up to me..hmmmpp)
The crossroads were never easy. Doors were open and i liked them all because I see myself and Me before the Lord.
I don't know if my desire is heavier, yet, i am pretty sure that i once wanted to join the academe. The idea is driven by the fact that it is one better venue to inspire minds, while young/younger, for the "betterment of our society" (wahahahaha.. OA kaayo ko.. oppss..comment lang mo if u like..this is my page..weheheheh). Some predecessors told me that i am still young that is why i am socially idealistic. I did entertain their thoughts but i don't know until when will i end this childhood-birthed desire. In fairness to me, i grew up as a leader and i know i had so much flaws. I once settled to my flaws that was why for quite longer I evaded from responsibilities. However, I cannot deny that within me is a struggle to stand and make a difference, to keep inspiring, to keep encouraging, to keep hoping for a brighter system. It may not be me up their, but, at least I am a part of a better change. The academe is one great venue. I admit that i dreamt of becoming a teacher (see our high school souvenir: Roxanne Jul C. Lumactud - to be a teacher.. wahahaha). This desire sprouted from my desire to inspire and help others (most helpful mn diay ko..hahahaha) just as i did since then.
I am just writing spontaneously now, wishing that along my way of expressing these voices within, I could gauge my thoughts, which may help me better in decision-making. for one, i realized that my drive of going back to MSU is not just a mere feeling of missing the school, but of a noble desire to inspire others for better.
Everything I desire is a "means" to a desired end. My ultimate end is to magnify my God and give Him all the glory. I want to magnify Him through the thoughts and wisdom i may pass. And, I want to glorify Him through the accomplishments I may get.

Veritas Liberabit Vos

I wish I had not ticked at something although I think I did one good thing.

I could no longer recall the episodes I had been to confronting truths and realities. All I can remember is the motto of the university I once attended “veritas liberabit vos.” This line stayed behind my memory for so long. It was just a must that I did remember it and then it was extended by ads, billboards, and published articles. So, the statement seemed to land at my yawning dimension as prefaces, events, and cycles of existence satiated around some spaces.

Now, it seems like its beckoning me that I had already passed the overtures of it and that it’s now blocking a cavernous space in my head. In a sense, I have to welcome an unsought something that is known to have existed. In a sense, the truth was here; And, in a sense, the truth upsetted me. However, “veritas liberabit vos.”

I am challenged by the thought that I once was intensively educated about cogent reasoning. It was easy then for I was pretty afar from the world of forms. Today is different. I am to live a cogent, yet, passioned reason in order to keep the state of being prompted by the laws of energy in an optimistic pace. I must accept the truth (veritas) and that even if it hurts; I need to know how to profit from it, to develop a logic that will help me stand still. It will set me free (liberabit vos)! In a sense, it freed me. It freed me from the many wanders this thought had gone. It did answer interrogatives this thought had entertained.

And now, I have to replenish the loses my body incur out of this inner flounder.

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