My Night with TM Club of Macajalar Bay

I knew it very well that I'd be called for some roles.

Tonight, I was asked to call the meeting to order, to introduce the guests, and to count the "crutch" words during the educational meeting of Macajalar Bay Toastmasters Club.

Meeting by meeting I learn new things and I grow in confidence. I once thought that I can speak so much better in a crowd. But, gone are the days where thoughts just come easily into my head. Gone are the days where ideas just flow hastily in my mind. Gone are the days where words just come out from my mouth in their proper sounds and diction. Today, it seems like, words slip off my tongue and I cannot simply control my jaw that I miss the right pronunciation.

One thing I appeciate with toastmasters club is that I get constructive criticisms. The club understands that the reason why I join is that I want to develop my leadership and public speaking skills. And, true enough, meeting by meeting, I learn new things and I learn how to handle new roles because I accept tasks handed to me. I accept them not because I am confident of delivering them, but simply because I want to challenge myself; I want to know more about the role or the task; I want to assess myself as to how far can I be in taking roles. Meeting by meeting I have known myself and my capacity to lead and to speak. Indeed, meeting by meeting I grow up as a person.

Earth Hour in Cagayan de Oro

For two years now I have been participating in Earth Hour. Simply because I am cognizant to the domino effect of global warming.

Last year, I turned off the lights at home for one hour. This year, people at home did the same as well as our neighbors, while I was at Kiosko sa Kagawasan watching with XU people and other dignitaries in the city counting down for earth hour.

The celebration at Kiosko was stunned by the presence of Fr. Jett Villarin, SJ, an environmental scientist - President of Xavier Universty-Ateneo de Cagayan, Ms. Borje, the Undersecretary of Energy, CDO Mayor Tinnex Jaraula, Cong. Rufus Rodriguez, City Councilors, among others who watched the artistic performances of various artists from Cagayan de Oro, Iligan, and Camiguin. I think those thespian performances were directed by Mr. Hobart Savior, the Culture and Arts Director of Xavier University.

The countdown excited I guess everyone who wished to witness how dark the quest could bring on. At zero,there was significant darkness although it did not come out simultaneously. Jollibee-Divisoria, the nearest food chain, did not turn off everything for safety and security reasons of people eating inside, the manager told me. Street lights switched off a little later among other establishments.

Candles illumined the area while artistic performances went on.

As the 60-minute earth campaign came to a close, a shorter countdown took place and in a short while the program ended.

Counting my days again..

I am counting my days again. I have yet 4 more days to stay or report in XU. Yeah, I'd say goodbye to a permanent job. A decision that I deliberated well eversince I affixed my signature in XU.

I do remember all words spoken out last June when I was interviewed by three nice people from the Office of Student Affairs. I remember being asked, How do you see yourself 10 years from now? Looking up too high at the thought of being in an ateneo school, I did answer, Should I be accepted, I even see myself grow old here. Certainly, I had high expectations of.. well, practically, the pay among other benefits, set and just systems, better leadership considering that my leadership skill was well honed by this university, if I may recall my first and second years in college.

Looking back, I remember being taught by this university about changing unjust structures and not to profit from unjust structures. I was defined here, although I grew well in MSU. My leadership, principles, and paradigms were formed by the trainings I received when I was yet a sophomore. This thought excited me to join XU and much much more excited to be the Student Activities and Leadership Development Program Assistant.

In the job, I met a lot of people. Within 9 months, things went too hasty. A month after I started, I was afforded the opportunity to be with renowned and prominent people in the university. I thought it would end their. Later, a memo crossed with my name again in the execom. Meetings with university directors were at first a bizarre, as if I have never ever spoken yet with and in front of dignitaries; meeting by meeting, I realized that they are like me, too, subject to frailties. In fact, while working with them, there were days that I longed to not to have known them. I did ask while in one of those smothering hours, who would they be in my thoughts had I not worked with them (not all of them though)? Yet, knowing them is knowing myself as well. It was an opportunity to grow as a person and as a leader in my own ways.

I really appreciate the richness of my short stay. Students leaders in XU are so passionate to the point of losing themselves in the midst of their own system. They may be blemished by the jumbling of aggresiveness, naivity, and venturesome characteristics, I am happy that I grew with them and by them. I appreciate XU's desire of molding future leaders. I appreciate student leaders' authentic quest for Magis (for more).

More so, my own office, my boss, and our assistants, they are very nice friends, very thoughtful people, worthy to be called my friends. I am pretty sure that even after XU, we'll still be hanging out with each other. We have created a bond, so unique that I could and would look forward to still hang on with.

Yet, I have to move out of here. I must go simply for more personal growth and development. I know deep within that I would be happier if I work on things that I could do best. I am convinced that I can do more than the daily tasks I do in XU. While it is true that I did desire of going back to the academe, and that I was happy of joining XU; my head desires for more, more than the daily papers that I need to file, more than the daily proposals that I need to receive, and so much more than the daily talks and occasional leadership seminars that I need to attend. In principle, honestly, I am not growing in knowledge to contemporary leadership styles. While the world out there are busy training people for consensus and participatory approaches, and with contemporary leadership trends, my world here is still with the traditional and conventional boss-centered leadership.

(I will post soon another blog about leadership trends, which will include of course the traditional boss-centered leadership.)

Well, somehow I did grow in character like I have become more patient now, understanding, submissive (non-insistent anymore), and diplomatic. hehehe

Kaya, let me sip the soup while it's hot.

Stress

I would say I am stressed these days because it's physically manifested and I feel it, too. I am experiencing muscle aches, skin allergies, and blood spotting. I feel so tired, physically that I just want to sleep all day long. I wish to wake up late, yet I need to do otherwise because that has to be done. I want to do some other things worth the while, some other productive things, and simply just relaxing things. HHmmmm.. I would say that driving the whole day might do, like just enjoying the silent streets in the morning, appreciating the cool air on mid day, gazing at the stars at night without thinking of whatever tasks that are yet to be accomplished.

I simply just want to stop thinking about work and be free. Free thinking, That's what I wanna do. Free writing, such as this. Indeed, I am doing this now, but I am counting every seconds of writing here because I am suppose to finish one task that seems to never end. I just stole this time. This time that I am paid to work. Yet, this is not for anything, I guess, this will even help me become more productive. By writing this, I have expressed myself and at the same time listening from within and discarding the noises around. I so appreciate melancholic or desolate moods. I dont mean the sad and depressed moods. I mean just the moment of being uninhabited or emptied from the daily thoughts, concerns, and rushes. I would say, STILLNESS, that's it! Everyday I thirst for this and I would see myself crazy without this. Like few days ago, I literally cried because I had been rushing and pressed by some tasks. I wanted to take enough sleep but I can't and everytime I attend to the very task that I needed to finish, I lost for words. Tsk tsk tsk..

Well, it's up for now...

I'm a bit cooled again. Thanks blog!